Life after the first incarceration

One Woman's Journey After Vehicular Homicide


Imagine going to sleep, waking up and finding out you killed somebody. 
That's exactly what happened to me. 
Two years ago, I was drunk and fell asleep at the wheel. I'm not trying to make excuses.
But I never ever would have done such a thing on purpose. And if there were some way I could go back and change it, I would. 
In fact, I've been sober ever since.
Now I'm paying for my crime by being incarcerated two weeks a year for the 
next 10 years.
This blog follows my journey afterward, trying to put my life back together in 
between spending a week in jail at Christmas and at Father's Day each year.

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Life after the first release
Dec. 30, 2011

Freedom. How sweet it is!
And how I cherish the little things in life like being able to take a bath in my own tub, shave my legs and put on lotion, body spray and effective deodorant afterward.
It's Dec. 30, 2011.
I've been out of jail for two days now, after spending a week at the county jail in Nashville,Tennessee.
And I've been noticing more and more the things I always took for granted.
I walked in the sunshine today after taking the bus home from a lunch with my sponsee.
She treated me to a plate of fried chicken fingers, shrimp and Dixie Taters with blue cheese, green onions and bacon bits, real coffee with cream and Splenda and water with lemon. I had hot fudge cake for dessert.
How I would have killed for a meal like that in the county lockup. The food there wasn't great.
It was sustenance, but nothing to write home about. I swore before I went that I wouldn't eat it, but I had to.
It's all about survival when you're on the inside, and eating something, if not all your plate is one way to make that happen.
The first night home my mother, my sister and nieces, Kasey, Aaliyah and Trista, came to pick me up. My sister, Jenny, brought me two cans of Coke and a Snickers bar. Then, when I got home I found that my kids;Kristen, Ian and Kavanaugh, were here.
I gave my dad a big hug because I knew he had been suffering with me being in jail and being away from the family for the first time at Christmas.
Soon afterward, the whole family headed out to Ryans' steak house for what was to be our belated Christmas meal together.
It was perfect.
It wasn't the actual holiday, but it felt that way to me.
When we got home, I went straight to the bathroom, stripped down and had my first hot bath in more than a week.
I took my time, washing my hair with dandruff shampoo and conditioner, two things I didn't have the luxury of having in jail. When I was done, I brushed my hair with a real brush, not the little bitty men's comb they give you at the Davidson County Sheriff's Office.
That same night, I took my psychiatric medication for the first time in a week. For some reason,the medical staff at the jail did not give me my meds even though I cleared it with the head of the medical department before I had set foot inside the facility.
I slept like a baby for the next 12 hours.
And that's saying a lot because I don't have a door on my room, and there were nine other people in the house.
Today, I went to my first recovery meeting in a week. I didn't have a lot to say. I just expressed gratitude to the group for their support through the good times, the bad times and the hard times; their prayers and well wishes - lifing me up everyday - really make the difference.
I have had quality time with my kids the last few days. Last night was especially important to me as I talked for hours with them about my dreams of someday living with them again, even if it happens after they are grown.
It was something I could see happening, if even in my mind. It's a dream that I want to see come true in my lifetime. And if it's God's will, I know it will happen.

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