Speaking at my alma mater

Imagine going to sleep, waking up and finding out you killed somebody. 
That's exactly what happened to me. 
Two years ago, I was drunk and fell asleep at the wheel. I'm not trying to make excuses.
But I never ever would have done such a thing on purpose. And if there were 
some way I could go back and change it, I would. 
In fact, I've been sober ever since.
Now I'm paying for my crime by being incarcerated two weeks a year for the 
next 10 years.
This blog follows my journey afterward, trying to put my life back together in 
between spending a week in jail at Christmas and at Father's Day each year.

I spoke at Hunter's Lane High School two days this week, on Tuesday and on Friday. I have reached out to all the freshmen in the school, and have imparted to them my wisdom about what can happen if you drink and drive. I feel like they really listened with their ears and hearts.
It was weird being at my alma mater under those circumstances, to stand up there and admit that I killed a man while drinking and driving. I had not stepped foot into the school in the past 20 years since I graduated in May 1992
I graduated with an honors diploma and was in the top 10 percent of my class. I was in the Madrigals, a singing group you had to audition to be a part of. I have fond memories of getting dressed up in my dress and going places and singing with the group in high school. I also have fond memories of football and basketball games and the proms junior and senior year.
So, I told the kids those things, as I introduced myself to them. I let them know I had a normal high school experience and was very successful academically while attending Hunter's Lane. I let them know I went to college at Western Kentucky University and majored in print journalism and french. I let them know I got married young, at age 19, and had three kids by the time I was 24. I got married, had three kids and still graduated from college in my chosen major. I was determined to succeed. And I did for a while before King Alcohol took away my choices and took my life and Eddy McCreery's life down with it.
I talked about how I binge drank from an early age. Most people just call it getting wasted or getting drunk. I drank to get drunk every time. I never drank for the taste or just to drink one drink. It continued, although somewhat in the background of my life, into my early adulthood, through my twenties and thirties.
They say in my 12-step program that alcoholism is a progressive disease, and looking back, I can see how it progressed from getting wasted once in a while as a teenager to being a weekend warrior in my twenties to going out to bars, drinking and driving home in my thirties.
Even though alcohol was sort of in the background at times, it was present, along with marijuana and Xanax. And ultimately it was the combination of alcohol and Xanax that took away my choices, that took away my ability to make a rational decision on whether to drink or drive, ultimately causing Eddy McCreery's death.
I read stories today on the Internet about celebrities like Whitney Houston, who reportedly died as a result of a combination of Xanax, Valium and alcohol, and it makes me sad. I don't know why Xanax is a legal prescription drug. It's like alcohol in a pill form. It is dangerous, and in my case and reportedly Whitney Houston's case, it was deadly.
One thing I encouraged the students to do was to go home and look up the word blackout on the net. I was in a blackout the night Eddy McCreery died. I was not capable of making a decision on whether to drink and drive. That's why I say that alcohol and Xanax took away my choices.
Yes, I chose to take the Xanax after drinking the alcohol. It was by far the biggest mistake I have ever made in my life. I only wish someone had saw fit to stop me from getting behind the wheel.
Several people could have, but no one did. I'm not saying it is anyone's fault, but my own.. But the fact is that I was with several other people that night, and no one looked out for me. They all told my attorney that I was drunk, when questioned as a part of my defense, and no one cared enough to make sure I got home safely. I don't know what to make of that. I only know that it is true that birds of a feather flock together, and most of the time when people are with their friends they emulate their behavior. That was certainly true with me. And that's why I told the kids to be careful who they hang around.
I am not naive enough to believe that I am going to stop these teenagers from every taking a drink, although I wish that were true. I was a bit scared to go this far, but I ended up telling the kids from my heart that I believe that alcohol is evil. It's a legal drug. Our society is so pervasive with messages about alcohol. Commercials make alcohol use look cool. But I'm here to tell you that it is not cool. It ruined my life, for a time, and it is the reason that Eddy McCreery is no longer here to be with his family.
I am sorry if this blog turns anyone off. I can only speak from my experience, and my experience shows that alcohol can be deadly, if used in certain circumstances, like drinking and driving. I will stand against this deadly foe at every turn. I will educate youth and those in treatment facilities about what can happen if you drink and drive for the rest of my life. I feel like it's that important.
I can only hope I save some of these kids from going down the wrong road, drinking because they think it's cool, getting behind the wheel of a car afterward because they think it can't happen to them. I also hope I save them a lot of pain in the long run. I am hurting for having done this to the McCreery family, to myself and to my family. I hurt everyday. And I know the ripple effect the damage I did has had on everyone around me. It destroyed two families.
However, I think it's also important to point out that God is restoring me, a little bit at a time. He took a tragedy and turned it into something positive. He gave me this testimony to affect lives, and he's given me another chance to restore myself with my new job.
It felt so good to be able to give my parents rent money this week and to buy clothes for myself and my family.
I am hopeful now. I know things can and will get better, one day at a time.
Prayer: God, thank you for the blessings you have shown me. Please give me the strength to face whatever comes. I pray this in Jesus' name. Amen.